The computer industry is littered with espionage and conspiracy.
In this column I'm going to examine the latest breaches of security
with a spotlight so bright as to send Bill Gates' innovation team
running for their basement-lit coffins. Many people have done this
already, and some have suggested that somehow the theft is related
to the rage that Open Source programmers feel toward Microsoft.
Could the Open Source movement somehow be related to this heist of
Hint: I'm prepping for a job as a tabloid journalist, or a ghost
writer for the next "Chariots of the Gods" sequel.
We have two, seemingly unconnected events. First, last last week
we have the SAMBA
code team fork. And then this past week we have the break-in by
nefarious means of the stronghold in Redmond.
I'm sure the words "stronghold" bring to mind the wrong
impression, so let me clarify what I mean by that statement. The
word stronghold usually means an unbreakable fortress with 10 foot
thick stone walls, for example. But with the simple word "Redmond"
added, we bring to light a different scenario, altogether.
Picture instead a fortress consisting of a small sign on the
front yard near Funk and Wagnels' house. The sign is next to the
front porch and reads "Please do not take the code!", in big red,
bold letters. Under the sign is a large arrow, pointing to a
hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar, the contents of which consist
of a stack of CD-ROMS with Microsoft logo's and copyright warnings
emblazoned upon them.
That's what I mean by the phrase "Redmond stronghold".
Yep, real serious stuff, that Microsoft security. I don't know
about you, but with their software powering some Naval
vessels, this is a real concern. Pray the Navy doesn't extend
the usage to Nuclear submarines next. In light of that possibility,
I'm tempted to go out and find one of those much-touted fallout
shelters that were all the rage in the 1950's.
But wait, there's more. We have the much publicized, yet somehow
oddly ignored, flame bait of the latest SAMBA code fork. How does
it factor into this new world you might ask? This corrupt world,
filled with espionage and system crackers. This world where
possibly millions of lines of bloat are floating about, just
waiting for someone to find the Terra-bytes and Mega-flops to
required compile them into something somewhat usable? You'll have
to forgive me for my bias here. When I speak of Microsoft operating
systems the words "somewhat usable" naturally enter my
Simple, just follow my twisted conspiratorial logic. It goes
like this: First, you have to imagine yourself as Bill Gates.
You're tired of this Linux thing getting all of the attention of
the press. You're jealous even. You've been paying for the best
press coverage money can buy for years. Recently, for reasons you
cannot fathom, all the money hasn't seemed to make a difference. On
top of that disappointment, you somehow sense that the way to get
the coveted eyeballs to focus upon your products involves the words
"Source Code", "Hackers", "Free" and
What a mastermind. Just by "hacking" into his own system, Gates
has innovated a totally new marketing strategy. He's even touched
all the buzzwords in one fell swoop! In order for someone to use
the stolen Windows code, they'll have to fork it, and create their
own version of Windows ( Windows NYET , would be my first guess for
a brand name ). That version of windows will have been created from
shared (um, stolen, but shared no less!) code by a group of
hackers on the Internet.
You get all the benefits of an Open Source press release, and
even better you didn't pay a dime for it!
I knew there was something relating to the open source movement
in there somewhere -- didn't you?
Don't let Paul Ferris feel left out
spreading twisted conspiratorial logic. Use the talkback system
below to tell the world what's really going
Used incorrectly in the context of this article. Hackers are not
the same thing as system crackers. Hackers are simply people that
are into computers with an artistic bend. I used it thusly in the
People that don't know better will understand it the way the
media portrays it.
I'm going for maximum flame with this article. Use the talkback
system below to point out my Simian ancestry.
In reality, I don't think there's a single open source
programmer [hacker] involved in the heist of Microsoft code.
I'm sure most of you can take a joke.
Take your pick from the list. I, for the record, consider myself a
"Hacker" in the Open Source definition of the word. I mean, I'm not
a cracker -- OK?