When Brian Proffitt set out to investigate the origins of Tux in
order to answer serious questions about the correct use of our
favorite mascot's likeness and name, he forgot that nobody expects
the Penguin Inquisition. A harrowing tale of naked lightbulbs and
bondage among the flightless water fowl.
"Clam up!" Tux yells. "I've heard enough out of you!
Now you get to find out what we do to people who mess with Tux!
Boys, show him the box!"
A cardboard box slides along the white floor through a gap in
the penguin flock at my feet. I look inside to see the mangled
remains of a paper clip staring up at me with two pain-filled eyes.
I look up at Tux. "Is that Clip--?"
"Yeah, he's one we took care of. And if you know what's good for
you, you'll lay off the Tux piece, or you'll look like him!"