"54) A good way to threaten somebody is to light a
stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse
up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
"55) Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better
treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that
rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free
"56) I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up
on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by
meteorites and not even feel it.
"57) If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying
a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if
some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's
carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody
else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a
soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody
would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the
soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a
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