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Why Win95 is Better than Linux

As posted to comp.os.linux.advocacy, by Jon
Hamkins.

It’s Funny… Laugh. -lt ed

Because all operating systems are
written by programmers, I assume that any operating system is much
smarter than me. Thus, any good operating system should try to
outsmart me by restricting my options at every turn. Linux, like
all versions of Unix, is lousy at restricting my options because at
the command line virtually any operation can be performed with
ease. (For example, ‘rm -rf /win’ could delete an entire mounted
directory, with no popup window warnings whatsoever.)

I’m proud to say that there is no such danger in 95/NT. Windows
pop up when I want to make a change, and then more pop up to ask if
I’m sure I want the change. Thankfully, Windows 95/NT operating
systems look after my computer’s well-being by occassionally
switching configuration settings from the way I want them to what
the OS programmers think they might probably ought to be. Boy, I’m
just impressed with how smart they are. Once I learned to live with
whatever the default settings are on any new hardware I install, I
can’t say the number of hours I have saved.

I use that spare time to reboot my Windows machine multiple
times a day. Technical support personnel recommend that I do it
regularly– kind of like brushing my teeth. To help remind me of
this necessity, windows pop up to tell me to reboot whenever I make
a configuration change. By now my machine is minty fresh, I
figure.

There is no such useful rebooting in a Linux system. It is as
reliable as the sunrise, with uptimes in weeks and months.
Virtually no configuration change requires a reboot, to boot.
Imagine all that plaque in the computer. Gross!

In 95/NT I am prevented from making dangerous fundamental
configuration changes unless I use a special “registry editor”. I
have found it so useful to have this separate editor that I hope in
future versions they go all the way and supply a separate editor
for each file on the disk — in that way windows could pop up at
every keystroke to warn me that changing any line in the file I am
editing could cause the system to not run properly. If this were
only the case, people would finally learn that it is best to just
stick with the mouse and they would be freed of the need to
constantly move their hands back to the keyboard. (If one stops to
think about it, the mouse is a much better device to use than the
keyboard. Ever hear of someone getting carpal tunnel syndrome from
a mouse? No. It’s comfortable and ergonomic. Like morse code
devices. That’s how long distance communication started, after
all.)

Linux, by contrast, requires no special editor to change
configuration files. The fact that there is no “registry” in Linux
allows the abomination of using any text editor whatsoever to do
the configuration. Can you believe that configuration files are
usually stored clear text? Talk about dangerous!

I am also happy to report that I have experienced no truth to
the rumor that Windows disks become corrupt after improper
shutdowns. Indeed, I have been forced to improperly shutdown the
machine innumerable times after it locks up, and I have no apparent
problems to report regarding the disk. No such claim can be made
for Linux. They say something about lack of data points. Excuses
are all I ever seem to hear from the Linux crowd.

By sheer size alone, Windows 95/NT beats Linux hands down. It is
so much bigger, it is obvious that it is better. Why would you want
a small OS with the large disks and RAM sizes we have these days?
For this reason alone, I heartily recommend Windows as a way to
maximize resource utilization. Your CPU and disk will constantly be
pegged to the limit, the way god intended. The Linux kernel and
drivers accounts for only about 750KB. Why, even the Microsoft
Win16 subsystem uses more space than that.

It is no surprise that Windows costs $270 on the retail market
and Linux doesn’t cost anything. People know what they want, and
they want Windows. Because Linux is free, that means it’s basically
worthless. The same goes for all the development tools, remotable
GUIs, and applications, which all cost money for windows (i.e., are
worth something) and free for Linux (worthless!).

Installing software is very easy in Windows. I usually slip in
CDs without even reading instructions or warnings, and just double
click on whatever window pops up. There is no need to read anything
or touch the keyboard. (Did I mention that I hate that thing?)
Well, OK, I have learned the hard way the the machine locks up if I
don’t take the time to close all other applications.

Linux, by contrast, requires typing on the keyboard to get
anything to install at all. And you always have to know the NAME of
program you want to install. For example, in Redhat, you have to
type ‘rpm -ivh ‘ to install the program and documentation. Linux
needs to get with the ’90s!

Windows follows the DOS convention of putting rn at the end of
every line of a text file. While this is only a mild concern
because of the relative rarity of text files on Windows machines
these days– thank god– it helps to differentiate between the text
files and the other files. Sadly, Linux makes no distinction
between text and other files.

If I legitemately purchase Windows 95/NT, I can call Microsoft
customer support to get help with my problems. After a short hold
time of an hour or so, they always help me. Ever since I told them
that I was dual booting to Linux, they were able to flag my account
and now each time I call even the entry level support personnel I
am connected to say that Linux is the source of my problems.
Everyone seems to agree that Linux is no good. The more I listen,
the more I’m impressed with the knowledge of the support staff
there.

By contrast, in Linux, all I have is stockpiles of resources and
documentation that I would actually have to read in order to
understand. Sure, I could obtain Linux support from a commercial
organization, but they would probably just tell me I have to use a
text editor to fix up my system.

In the end, I have no need for that old computer donkey Unix. I
don’t need to run big Unix tasks, afterall. I refuse to become one
of those a bug-eyed computer users, that’s for sure. As soon as I
can keep Windows from crashing for long enough, I’m going to delete
my Linux partition, i.e., the equivalent of moving it to the
recycle bin, saying that I’m sure, emptying the recycle bin, and
again saying that I’m sure.

Hope you enjoyed this. 🙂 Comments or suggestions for
improvement of this text are welcome.
—-Jon Hamkins
(c) 1997