“Dear Internet Explorer:
“It’s over. Our relationship just hasn’t been working for a
while, and now, this is it. I’m leaving you for another
“I know this isn’t a good time–you’re down with yet another
virus. I do hope you feel better soon–really, I do–but I, too,
have to move on with my life. Fact is, in the entire time I’ve
known you, you seem to always have a virus or an occasional worm.
You should really see a doctor.