LOVELAND, Colorado – 1 April 2006 – Terra Soft Solutions, the
leading developer of integrated Power Architecture Linux solutions,
in a bold reconnaissance mission last night rescued Steve Jobs from
captivity.
Borrowing attack helicopters from a non-disclosed Department of
Defense customer, Terra Soft used an RTOS version of Yellow Dog
Linux running on Cell processors to fly a nightime sortie to the
headquarters of the Intel Corporation.
Ben Ratliff, Terra Soft’s Operations Manager lead a nervous but
highly determined team into the heart of Intel’s empire, and then
into the depths of their Santa Clara facilities to retrieve Apple’s
rightful CEO from his captor.
“In December of ’05 we received an email from a woman at Intel
[whose identity remains confidential] wherein she claimed to have
seen Steve Jobs working the evening production line shift. We at
first assumed the communication was a hoax. But when a similar
email arrived a week later from another source, and then in January
a few more –we were compelled to investigate,” states Ratliff.
Terra Soft spent the better part of January, February, and March
working to determine if there was truth in this otherwise
impossible scenario.
Ratliff continues, “It was only when we received an unmarked
Intel Apple laptop that the unbelievable was made painfully clear.
Before we even powered-on the unit, we discovered written on the
screen in what appeared to be streaks of sweat, the words, ‘LONG
LIVE PPC!’ We immediately recognized the truth– Steve Jobs had
been abducted and cloned. Apple was under the control of an
impostor.”
“We have been working hard since this moment, planting spies,
infiltrating servers, and planning for this monumental task. With
help from sympathizers on the inside, we managed to save Steve and
Apple from an otherwise certain demise,” Ratliff concludes.
Once free from the confines of his prison of nearly one year,
Jobs wore a tattered blue assembly line uniform but appeared in
good spirits as he offered, “I am grateful for Terra Soft’s courage
in this rescue operation. I will this week announce the return of
the full Apple product line to PowerPC. And as a demonstration of
my gratitude to Terra Soft, replace OSX with YDL on all systems
from here forward.”