[ The opinions expressed by authors on Linux
Today are their own. They speak only for themselves and not for
Linux Today. -lt ed ]
By Linux Today
writer Paul
Ferris
Warning: Rant Mode
Equals One is meant to be entertainment, and as such is not to be
taken seriously. If you are easily offended by strong language,
violence, ranting or unabridged command line syntax, Paul suggests
that you hit the “back” button on your browser now, before it’s too
late.
It was looking to be another day spent executing
endless loops at the local Beer && Bytes Tavern. The Beer
&& Bytes is a local chip head hangout, and it’s the only
Tavern I know of where most of the patrons come for coffee. The
decor is strictly rustic, in the deepest hacking tradition. Lots of
antique computer parts adorn the walls, and the TV is always
playing Monty Python or the SCI-FI channel.
One of my old college philosophy professors and I
were having a discussion about echo. He was claiming that echo “c”
did nothing. I, of course, took the side that this wasn’t so,
because the process executing the echo was taking valuable CPU
time. I realized at that point that arguing with philosophers about
computer related subjects was itself about as productive as the
command echo “c”. I might as well do echo “c” > /dev/null, for
that matter.
And, as usual, God threw in an exclamation point in
case I missed how important todays lesson was. No sooner do I stop
talking to the Prof, when Slots Globnick waltzes in.
Now, Slots and I go way back. I met Slots back in my
earlier DOS computing days, when a 10 Meg hard drive drew whistles
of envy and appreciation. Recently, we met again
right here at the Beer && Bytes. Since then we’ve been
trying to find some common computing ground. But attempting an
exchange of ideas with Slots is like trying to weigh a pin with an
anvil for balance. It’s pointless, that’s what I’m getting at.
We’ve all been working on this guy really hard, and
he recently loaded his first cut of Linux, so I guess it’s been
time well spent. At least I thought so. Slots came in, sat down,
ordered his usual Latte (with chocolate sprinkles) and began to
pontificate.
“What Linux needs is a well defined road map.” He
said to no one in particular, sipping away.
No one appeared to notice. The bartender at the Beer
&& Bytes, Ratz, looked over momentarily. Then he went back
to watching Monty Python.
It was a scene from “Monty Python and the Holy
Grail”. King Arthur was yelling “It could grip it by the husks!” at
a castle guard.
Slots sipped some more and looked about. “Linux is
going to fail, unless someone takes it over and controls it.” He
said again.
I tried to stay detached (honest), but I couldn’t
help myself. Somewhere, ARGUE mode was getting flipped on. I was
looking straight ahead, but somehow I ended up talking to him
anyway. “What did you say?” I replied incredulously.
Slots put down his mug and turned my way. I could
barely make out the faded Pink Floyd lettering on his tee shirt. As
usual, the white dress shirt and tie obscured most of it. “Linux
needs one company to take over and guide it for it to succeed.”
said Slots.
Ratz looked over at this point, and downed the volume
on the TV. “Uh, why?” he asked, joining me.
“Well, it’s simple. Linux has no well defined road
map. It’s scattered here and there, like a bunch of fallen leaves.
What it needs is a governing force to take over and give it
direction.”
“No offense, Slots,” I said “but where do you get
that from? Triple A? They think Linux needs a road map?”
“No, a lotta people besides me have been saying it.
It’s too scattered. Linux needs a governing body to help people
deal with it, so it’ll become more accepted. One of the reasons
that Windows and Novell got accepted is because there was a
governing force to help define the product direction. Linux needs
that too.” He explained.
“Like the way that Novell helped direct Windows NT’s
road map?” I said, sarcastically. As usual, the point went over
Slots head. Slot’s pointy head makes a bad target anyway.
“So, let me get this straight.” Ratz said. “Linux
won’t get anywhere until there is someone directing it. Like, say,
the way that Bill Gates supposedly directs Microsoft’s development
of Windows NT?”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” Slots asked. He was
looking back and forth at us like we were asking what was wrong
with being drunk. Nothing, I suppose Ratz and I were thinking,
unless you are water in a glass.
“Other than the fact that that’s not how we got where
we are today, which is everything.” I said. “Linux got here
precisely because no one owned it, and everyone was free to add to
it as they needed.”
Slots gave this some consideration. Finally he said
“Um, well, what about hardware support from different vendors?
Who’s going to certify that a video card driver will work with
Linux for example?” Slots asked. “When I use Microsoft products, I
can always count on drivers being certified by one company to
ensure that they work with the operating system.”
One of the patrons at this point laughed and schpewed
his coffee out all over the table in front of him.
Ratz was laughing and polishing some old plastic
coffee mugs. He looked back up at Slots and said sarcastically
“Like the way hardware is supported by Windows NT?” Ratz shook his
head. “And it works so well too. Why, that system is just the
E-pit-oh-me of stability, Slots.”
There was some snickering from a few of the patrons,
who pretended not to be involved. I could tell most of them were
silently listening anyway. “OK, maybe Linux doesn’t need it for
that reason.” Slots thought and drank some more Latte. “Someone
needs to control Linux’s direction though. Windows NT has a
definite road map. People know where it’s going to be, and what new
features to expect.”
As soon as he said this, the whole place erupted into
a volcano of laughter. Slots slumped over a bit. Ratz was howling
along with everybody, but he would come up for air at times and say
stuff: “Like how Cairo was going to be released in 1996?” And as
soon as things would die down, someone else would chime in: “Or how
about how Windows NT and 98 are going to merge into one operating
system?” I was choking with laughter. Slots looked down into his
Latte.
I looked at Ratz and said “Oh, it’s a clear road map.
It’s clear that they want to take us somewhere. Like the way they
always ask you where you want to go in their ads. I get the feeling
that there’s only one answer to that question.”
“The cleaners?” Ratz joked.
Slots waited for it all to die down, and then he
launched into more broken logic. “Well, what about all this window
manager nonsense?” He asked. “With Microsoft products, you wouldn’t
see this crap. You’d have one clearly designed interface.” Even
above the din at this point, I could still hear him trying to sound
serious. “Having more than one Window manager and windowing
environment like KDE and GNOME is bad for Linux. People need a
centralized interface.”
Everyone stopped laughing for a bit and looked at
each other, like maybe someone was advocating going to a knife
fight with a pair of those paper scissors they give you in
kindergarten. Then the laughter erupted again.
It was Ratz again, adding the punctuation: “When most
Linux distributions had FVWM95, which looked like Windows 95 (sort
of), people would run around saying Linux didn’t have a GUI. I take
that to mean that the Windows 95 interface isn’t a GUI! I guess
having two Windowing environments to choose from is better than
zero.”
“Maybe we should force people to use only one Word
processor too.” I joked. “All these different programs write too
many different file formats.”
I noticed one of the patrons laughing so hard that he
fell off his bar stool at that point. The bar stools at the Beer
&& Bytes are manufactured from old removable disk drive
platters, bolted to steel posts. They do get kinda slippery at
times.
“Maybe we should ban different distributions too! Too
much choice there.” One patron said, practically yelling it in
Slots face. Suddenly, it wasn’t all that funny anymore. Everyone
stopped laughing right there.
Slots spoke clearly in the short silence that
followed. “Why, That’s exactly what’s needed!” He said, “All these
different distributions are confusing to people.” He looked around
for confirmation, and suddenly he didn’t seem to feel too
comfortable. Everyone was looking elsewhere, all at once.
Some of us were back watching the movie on TV. King
Arthur was whacking some guys arms and legs off for not letting him
cross a bridge. When I looked back, Slots was quietly paying his
tab.
I sat back down to nurse my coffee. “I honestly
thought we were getting through to him.” I said to Ratz.
Ratz looked up and frowned as Slots walked out of the
bar. “So did I, man.” He turned around and upped the volume on the
TV. “So did I.”